dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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