9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
