I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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