I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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