Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ketchup is God's man juice
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
