There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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