His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
