I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
