I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my shit smells like andre
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
