I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
