I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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