Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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