I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
my liver is dry heaving
I want to fling myself into the sun
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
