The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
