Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
