airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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