I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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