Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
