...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
