We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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