This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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