Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need a beard to bite.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize