Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
