I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
