Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
