high people should be assigned attendants
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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