Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
