I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
