I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize