Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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