Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
