She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
