if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
