porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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