I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
