Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
