why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
