i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
where does the pee come out of this thing
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
