allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like abortions should bother me more
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
