Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
