Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The air was thick with penises
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
