bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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