I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
