You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
as a side note pls kill me
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
