I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize