She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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