you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
