I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am mentally ready for anal.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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