Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
