Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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