What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
