I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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