Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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