sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
