I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
