I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
