Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
