woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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