why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
