If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
