Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
