you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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