There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
