I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
