I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
