Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
