Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
