Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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