There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
