My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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