No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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