I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
