I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
