Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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