So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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