Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
