I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
