I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
