next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize