If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
