hotel room ftw
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
