i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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