Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
