My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
